Not the birthday I had planned

Today my beautiful, smart, sweet, sassy girl turned 6. Hard to believe its even possible for her to be 6 years old. I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. This morning, Rich cooked Alicyn's favorite, mickey mouse pancakes. We decided to take a trip to the big top candy shop on Congress, and were super excited to have Devon & Tristan come meet us. They had never been before, so as Rich said it was literally "kids in a candy store". They ended up with a combined candy weight of 6 lbs!!! After our experience with Jaxon last night at the Stars game, we decided the candy shop was not a good place to take him so he stayed with Grandma and Pop. After the candy store, we were heading to Phil's Icehouse, that's when the day turned not so happy.

I got a call from my mom that my grandfather had fallen into his pool while doing something with the filter. The pool is freezing, he was able to call for help & get himself to the stairs, my grandma (who doesn't swim) tried to get him out of the pool and couldn't. She called 911, when they arrived, his heart was beating very irregularly, they started CPR and continued for 20 minutes at the house, and then all the way to St. David's. Although they tried, his heart was never able to recover and he died at the hospital. Rich dropped me off there on the way to go eat, I got there just as they were calling us all back to give us the news.

We debated what to do, do we tell Alicyn that he died on her birthday? Do we wait? Do we explain what happened or not? You and I know that she will want the details. I originally was not going to tell her, but all the family was there, we were all grieving together, and her family birthday party was obviously not going to happen at 4pm as planned. The combination of everything, I decided I needed to tell her. My uncle said "I don't think she will put together that its her birthday". Well, that could not have been more wrong. I told her what happened, and the first words out of her mouth were "He died on MY birthday". How do you counter that? How can I make her feel better? We cried, I explained that he is in a better place, but as you can imagine, she is devastated. The pastor from their church came over and prayed with us, and then pulled my mom and her brothers together away from the rest of us. Apparently my grandfather, doing what he does best, thinking of others, had met with the pastor and written some things down about what he wanted to happen when he died. His health was declining with the emphysema, he was on oxygen constantly, and he knew that he would never be healthy. He picked out the songs, left safety deposit box information, gave specific instructions about the service being short, etc. The pastor wanted to be sure that they all knew his wishes before meeting with the funeral home. I am writing this part because during that conversation, my mom asked him how to handle Alicyn's reaction. He without even thinking, said "today is his birthday in Heaven". What an amazing answer. We told Alicyn, and immediately, she smiled. I am so thankful that he was there and was able to help us with her. She played with her cousins and was in good spirits for the rest of the day.

Alicyn still wanted to have her family birthday party, we talked to GG and she was ok with it, and since everyone was there, we figured why not. We sang happy birthday and ended the evening on a happy note. As we got home this evening, Alicyn looked up and said, see that star mom, that's Pop. I told her to talk to him, she said...I am sorry you had to die today on my birthday, I love you, I will miss you, but I will see you again soon.

It's a bittersweet day today. I am worried about my grandma, even though I know she will be ok. I can't imagine losing my husband of 61 years. I am thankful that my grandfather is in a better place, where he can breathe with ease and work in the garden all day long. I am thankful that he did not suffer or have to spend time in a nursing home or hospital for months or years. I wish I had just one more time to talk to him, watch him light up when he held Jaxon, or even fuss at GG for not hearing what he said.

It's not the day we had planned for Alicyn's 6th birthday, but it is what God had planned, I am comforted by that.